WWE Monday Night RAW - January 11, 2010

Randy Orton came out, of course, with his own microphone interrupting the staredown between the baddest man on the planet and the man with the baddest tan in the planet. After Orton demanded that Tyson make him the #1 contender for the WWE title, Cena came to the ring. Yes, Cena had his own mic. Cena said that he beat Mike Tyson. Well first he had to go through Glass Joe, King Hippo (twice), Piston Honda, Super Macho Man and then spent the next two years trying to beat Mike Tyson. Jerry Lawler was nice enough to let the fans at home know that he was talking about Mike Tyson’s Punch Out circa 1985 Nintendo. Kofi Kingston came out next. He said that he had no business being out there. Yeah, good way to get him over by ‘admitting’ that he’s not in the same league with the others. Fans were rapid. Kingston actually stopped when they were chanting ‘Cena sucks’. Anyway after all three guys came out for a short, Sheamus decided that he deserves the night off. So Iron Mike decided that Von Kaiser, Bald Bull and John cena would go at it in a 3 way match with the winner to face Soda Popinksi at the Royal Rumble for the championship match.

Alicia Fox d. Kelly Kelly in the first round of the WWE Diva’s Championship match.

Ted Dibiase Jr. & Cody Rhodes d. Marc Henry & Evan Bourne
Ted Dibiase Jr. & Cody Runnels came out to argue about which one of them will win the Royal Rumble. Dibiase said that even though Cody’s Father (Dusty Rhodes) said that he had the looks of a movie star, that he WAS actually a movie star. He said the Marine 2 is world’s better than the original Marine. The Marine 2, staring Ted Dibiase is available on DVD and Blu-Ray. Runnels said that his 5th grade graduation video was better than the original Marine. They were interrupted by the Kool-Aid Man Mark Henry and Evan Bourne, their opponents. During the match, Jerry Lawler talked more, but his voice was clearly giving out.

DX talks in the back, and HHH says Bret Hart was one thing but Mike Tyson? Shawn says he made peace with Bret Hart after 12 years, and now wants to do the same with Mike Tyson. HHH says Tyson is insane, certifiable, and he’s the man who knocked Shawn out for four years. Shawn says that’s the media talking, and he thinks he’s a changed man. He’s going to prove it.

Shawn stops by Mike Tyson’s office, and says after last week he and Bret got closure. Tonight he wants to take the opportunity to have that same closure with Mike. He wants Tyson to know that he forgives him for knocking him out at Wrestlemania XIV. Tyson says the problem is he doesn’t need Shawn’s forgiveness, and he’s love to knock him out again. Jericho stops by to reinforce the fact that Tyson doesn’t like him, and that he doesn’t like him. Shawn asks why Jericho is here, because he was kicked off Raw. Jericho says he was able to get Tyson’s number, because they’re kindred spirits. They’ve both been oppressed by the unwashed masses, and “the man.” Jericho says he got a deal that says DX has a match tonight, and if they lose that match Jericho gets a free pass to be on whatever show he wants. Tyson says the match will be DX vs. Jericho and Tyson. Shawn says that’s fine because he still owes Tyson one. Tyson says he’s looking for the payment.

We return to the announce table, where Michael Cole embarrassingly marks out for the return of Tyson to the ring before throwing us to a recap of Raw is Bret.

In rong Promo: Jack Swagger says he’s going to win the Royal Rumble. Maybe next he’ll say hi to his boyfriend Mike, because he has about as good as shot as that cameraman. He says the Rumble is tailor made for someone like him, but since last year he was defending the ECW title he’s never been in a Royal Rumble. He guarantees us (x3) that no one on any show can beat him. He’s issuing an All American American American American Challenge that if anyone can throw him over the top rope to come out and try. Santino comes out and says that’s a coincidence, because he was about to come out and issue the All Italian Italian challenge. He wants to know how we settle this, and says they’ll face off right now. He tells Swagger he’ll drop him like a bicycle with no kickstand, and orders the ref to ring the bell.

Over the Top Rope Challenge:
Jack Swagger vs. Santino Marella

Swagger dominates Santino right away driving him into the buckle, and hitting a Vader Bomb. Swagger goes to dump Santino, but he holds onto the top rope and Swagger goes over the top at 0:53! SANTINO WINS! SANTINO WINS! SANTINO WINS! Swagger goes after Santino, but Santino sets a new WWE 40 yard dash record heading to the back.

winner: Santino Marella

WWE Championship #1 Contender Triple Threat Match:
Randy Orton vs. Kofi Kingston vs. John Cena

Orton attacks Cena at the bell, but gets knocked back by Kofi. Cena whips Orton to the corner, and then he and Kofi team up for a double suplex. Kingston hits a Stinger Splash, and delivers a European upper cut. Cena delivers a fisherman’s suplex, and Kingston delivers a pair of forearms sending Orton to the floor. Cena goes out after Orton and fires him back inside. Kofi and Cena deliver a double back elbow, and Cena hits an elbow drop. Kingston fires Orton to the floor, and turns to look at Cena. They face off as Sheamus wanders out to the stage and catches their eye. That allows Orton to slither inside to attack the faces from behind. Orton stomps on both guys as we head to commercial. We return with Orton controlling Kofi with a side headlock as Cena lays prone on the floor. Orton catches Cena coming inside, and delivers a hangman’s DDT. Kofi has recovered though and dives off the top with a flying crossbody off the top rope. Kofi delivers a series of kicks, and then a dropkick. Orton reverses an Irish Whip into an inverted backbreaker, but Cena is back now with a running bulldog. Cena charges at Orton, but misses and shoulderblocks the ringpost. Here’s Kofi now with the SOS for two, and a kick to the face sets up a boom drop attempt. Cena hits a drop toehold as Kingston hits the ropes, and locks in an STF. Orton makes the save, but Cena comes right back with a pair of flying shoulderblocks. Cena hits a protoplex, and connects with the five knuckle shuffle. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Kofi stops that and delivers a jumping clothesline. Kofi connects with the boom drop to Cena, and calls for the Trouble in Paradise which connects but knocks Cena to the floor. Kofi hops to the second rope and delivers a series of right hands to Orton.

Cody Rhodes is out and delivers a dropkick to the ringsteps taking out Cena. He then distracts the referee long enough for Dibiase to run out and knock Kofi from the top rope saving Orton. Orton then connects with an RKO to finish at 11:15. So the Legacy tension is on hold for now, until Orton doesn’t show proper gratitude for the help I’d assume. Orton stares down Sheamus after the match.

winner: Randy Orton

Backstage: Josh Mathews talks to Mike Tyson by his match, but he’s quickly interrupted by Hornswoggle. Tyson says if he sees Swoggle tonight during the match he’s going tear his intestines out and jump rope with it. Then he’s going to put his fingers up his nostrils and pull his brain out before putting it against the newspaper and smash it against the window like silly putty. So he tells Swoggle to just move on and he hopes he doesn’t see him tonight. Swoggle backs off in fear. The entire IWC just became massive Tyson fans.

The Miz is outside the WWE Superstars Locker Room: He says when he showed up no one in the WWE locker room or WWE Universe respected him. He says they made his life a living hell, and in that locker room he got kicked out for eating a piece of chicken and spilling crumbs over a referee’s bag. He said he would see WWE Superstars like JBL (including a great JBL imitation), and says everyone wanted rid of him. He says used that negativity to fuel him to ignite a wrath against everyone in WWE today. Now he doesn’t even go in that locker room, as he has his own private dressing room. That dressing room is for the Evan Bourne’s and MVP’s.

He makes his way to the arena & inside the ring: The Miz he says the same MVP who is the number one contender for the US Championship. He says MVP has joined a long list of people to get publically humiliated by him. Miz says MVP doesn’t even deserve to be in the same ring as him, and if it was up to him MVP would still be in jail. He doesn’t believe in second chances because he has been perfect his entire life. He says the fans still boo him, and cheer him. He says that’s okay because he’s rather them boo him for what he is than cheer for him for something he’s not. He’s the reason we watch Raw, and he’s the most captivating star on the show. He says MVP has all the bling, and that’s great but let’s face fact. You can put diamonds on a dog, but it’s still a mut. He tells the “mistakes” (fans) they will respect him, because he’s the Miz and he’s awesome. MVP comes out and says the WWE Universe knows all about his history, and he’s never run from it. In fact he’s embraced it because he doesn’t want people to make the same mistakes he did. He says he does have a taste for the finer things in life, but he earned all of it. He says he worked hard to earn the respect of WWE Universe and that is something Miz hasn’t done. He says he has worked hard to call himself a superstar in this circus we call WWE. He says we are all animals in this circus, but he assures Miz he’s no mut. He tells Miz to excuse him for a moment, and he can just stand there and suck.

MVP takes off his jacket, and tells Miz he’s a Bengal tiger while Miz is a monkey flinging poop. Miz says he might just fling some that hits his lips so MVP can taste what comes out of his mouth. MVP says Miz might think he’s tame because he likes the finer things in life, and because he’s now fan friendly. He dares Miz to go ahead and fling it, and then decides to go over his past. MVP says he acted like an animal, and was treated like one. He tells Miz that he survived a life that he’s only saw on TV, and dares him to open up the cage and find out just how tame this tiger really is. Miz starts to go for him, but MVP beats him to the punch and a brawl commences. MVP delivers a flying forearm and a drive by kick sending Miz to the floor.

A look back at last year’s Hall of Fame induction ceremony, and the announcement that tickets go on sale next week:

WWE Diva’s Championship Tournament First Round:
Eve Torres vs. Katie Lea Burchill

Katie Lea gets the jobber entrance as if this result was in a doubt, and Maryse joins the commentary team. Katie Lea grabs a bow and arrow, and then delivers a backbreaker for two. Katie delivers a spin kick, but Eve ducks a clothesline and delivers one of her own for two. Katie comes back a forearm, but a backdrop is blocked by a kick. Eve hits a dropkick, but misses a flipping legdrop at two. Eve then rolls up Katie out of nowhere to pick up the pin at 1:53. This match stunk like hot garbage.

winner: Eve Torres

Backstage: Carlito talks to Gail Kim and putting the moves on her as Vince walks by:

Vince is out and he wants to put an end to the rumors that he has hired extra security because he’s scared of Bret. Bret Hart isn’t here tonight, because Bret is intimidated. Vince says twelve years ago, Bret screwed Bret, but last week he screwed Bret. He said last week Bret wanted to play nice, and put the past behind him, but Vince doesn’t play nice. He says he doesn’t forget and doesn’t forgive. He said if Bret wanted closure he got it lying on the mat humbled and humiliated by Vince. Vince says if he wants closure again, he won’t get it because Bret will never, ever, be seen in the WWE again. Well that’s it, the rumors were all wrong, Bret will never be back. Ever. I mean, why would Vince lie?

Don Johnson and Jon Heder co-host Raw next week. Well the Guest Host’s just took a big step back.

D-Generation X vs. Chris Jericho & Mike Tyson

Triple H asks Shawn if he’s ready, and Shawn says he’s ready for an answer. He calls out Undertaker to give him an answer next week on Raw on if he will face him at Wrestlemania. Shawn starts the match with Tyson, and they lock up with Tyson throwing him away. After a few times Shawn gets frustrated, and runs into a shoulderblock from Tyson. Shawn finally tags out to HHH who stares down Tyson in the middle of the ring. Tyson backs HHH into the corner on the lockup, and finally Jericho tags into the match so we can actually see something other than a lockup. Jericho whips HHH into the ropes, but he goes for the pedigree which Jericho blocks. Shawn gets a right hand from the apron, and Jericho delivers a knee to the face. Tag to Shawn who delivers an inverted atomic drop, and they follow with a series of near fall sequences. Jericho goes for the Walls, but Shawn pushes him off and rolls him for two.

Jericho is able to get to Tyson, and tag in but here comes Hornswoggle in full on boxing gear as he wants a piece of Tyson. Tyson barely able to stop laughing tags out to Jericho, and then removes his shirt revealing a DX shirt to the surprise of absolutely no one. Jericho gets an ominous look on his face as he even knows what’s coming, and turns around long enough to get knocked the fuck out by Tyson. Shockingly Shawn, not HHH, covers Jericho and picks up the pin at 4:43. If you didn’t see that coming you’ve never watched wrestling, ever. After the match HHH brings Tyson’s son into the ring, and they all deliver DX chops for the Sportscenter moment as we’re out for the night.