Tough Enough TV report
JOSHUA JABCUGA’S TOUGH ENOUGH TV REPORT – WEEK FIVE

Written by Joshua Jabcuga. (www.JoshuaJabcuga.com)
Follow him on Twitter: @Jabcuga

Week Five: “Don’t Take my Kindness for Weakness”

The trainers wake the students with an air horn. Booker T. says “Get your ass on the field.” An obstacle course is set up for them, which includes traffic cones, a heavy bag that will be carried up a hill, and doing a crab walk. It was fairly intense, as even Luke, who considers himself in “pretty elite shape” amongst the rest of the group, was getting winded.

“And now…we get to train,” says Bill Demott as they complete the course. The group walks into the gym and to their surprise, Rey Mysterio is waiting for them in the ring as this week’s special guest trainer.

A Rey video package airs.

Rey gives a speech about team work and overcoming his smaller stature. This is foreshadowing for the “life lesson” later in the show.

Time for a drill. Competitors must lift a heavy weight bag up to their shoulder and body slam it. This’ll be done ten times by each student. Bill DeMott says to the group, “You and that bag are now a team.” To me that sounds like Bobby Heenan describing marriage between two humanoids.

During the training, they cut away to Austin, who says that week after week, Martin impresses him. Ryan is back to being called “Skidmarks,” thus learning first hand that stipulations mean nothing in WWE. He trips over the ring ropes as he enters, and Bill Demott goes into full on dickhead mode and says, “Out! You can’t even get in the ring like a man!” Ivelisse is being showcased a little more this week. She struggles to lift the bag, but the group, along with the trainers, cheer her on and she rises to the occasion. Later, she gets hurt doing a leap frog spot with Christina, as Christina didn’t get up high enough and landed on her. A medic is called in and Ivelisse says her hamstring went out. The move was definitely botched, but it was a combination of Christina screwing up and Ivelisse’s leg going out simultaneously. And M-Dogg Matt Cross got cut? Sure, you can instruct wrestling and can’t teach charisma, but these girls will need a ton of work. Or implants.

Ryan (“Skidmarks”) messes up in the ring, and Bill Demott says Ryan is a danger to himself. It’s looking like this may be Ryan’s last week judging by the editing up to this point in the show.

Trish shows up at the mansion later to talk with Ivelisse and Christina. Trish says to them, “You guys are looking like the weaker sex.” She basically says they both need to get over the injury. Trish says that it wasn’t done on purpose so Christina shouldn’t be taking it out on herself (which she didn’t appear to be doing) and that Ivelisse needs to suck it up, because as Trish says, all Divas get injuries. Later, Christina is portrayed as a bit of a heel, rolling her eyes and saying that Ivelisse’s injury just needed to be iced.

“Life Lesson” time with Booker T. and four-time NBA champion John Salley.

A John Salley photo montage airs with Steve Austin doing the voice over.

Salley explains that he brought 15 of his friends to help teach the Tough Enough competitors about teamwork.

Yes, it’s time for basketball with dwarves! Do you think this is part of the curriculum at Lance Storm’s Pro Wrestling Academy?

None of the dwarves are referred to as “vanilla midgets.” “The Statesmen,” as the team of dwarves are billed as, smoke the Tough Enough contestants, 36-15. We’re told this isn’t just any dwarf basketball team, but a “world ranked” team. Ivelisse is shown favoring her injured leg.

The next day at training, Booker says, “You guys sucked as a team Certain people in here, I’m going to make it a point to put my foot in your ass if you get out of line, and I think we know who I’m talking about.” Ryan (“Skidmarks”) is stretching during this, not showing any respect, rolling his eyes, and Booker snaps, lifting Ryan by his shirt and telling him not to test him, and not to mistake his kindness for weakness.

“Three’s a Crowd” is the official drill this week. They run a sequence in the ring, in groups of three. When they screw up, they’re eliminated.

Some notes on their assessment: Austin says Martin has become a ring general. All the trainers are impressed with him.

“It’s pretty hard to tell today who sucked worse, Christina or Ivelisse,” says Austin.

“I think “Skidmarks” did better than Luke” says Bill DeMott. Austin notes Luke’s lack of “coachability.” Ryan’s hokey mannerisms get him eliminated from the drill. A.J., someone who gets about as much TV time as Zack Ryder, is eliminated as he’s gassed, leaving Martin as the winner of the skills challenge. That’s three weeks in a row for him. Luke is pissed again by the results.

The trainers convene to pick their “dreaded bottom three.”

Christina, Ryan, and Luke are in this week’s bottom three, as Austin says they’re going to have a “Come to Jesus talk.” Hopefully it’s more affective than the “Come to Jesus” speech Kevin Nash is known to give.

In a clip, Luke describes Ryan as the cockroach of this competition, and says whoever gets pulled into the bottom three with Ryan gets eliminated while Ryan himself always manages to survive.

And it’s time for the best part of the show each week…Austin’s “go-home” promo. The bottom three are in the ring with Austin and they’re each making a plea to avoid being cut. It’d be great if we were able to watch every WWE Superstar do this before getting future endeavored. Austin attempts to motivate Christina, saying even though she has a background in dancing, he can do a better leapfrog than her. He asks Luke, who apparently shops at the same formal wear store as the Miz, if he thinks he’s too good to be here, and Luke says he hasn’t had a bad day since he got here. Luke is pretty damn good as the cocky heel. Luke informs Austin that he’s been doing this for four years and was trained by “Mr. USA Tony Atlas.” I might consider leaving that one off my resumé. Austin asks Luke if he’s “arrogant or just an asshole” and Luke says he’s neither. Ryan says he feels he’s improved, but admits he’s failed to impress the judges just yet, as he’s trying to break old habits. Ryan throws Christina under the bus, saying he doesn’t believe she wants to be here. Austin says Ryan has been in the bottom three for the third and last time, as he’s “just struck out.” Austin says, “Ryan, I’ll see you on down the road,” and wishes him the best of luck. Ryan vows he’ll make it someday.

Segnala presso: